The Domesticated Man

Much has been said about the stereotypical domestic housewife who cooks, cleans, and vacuums while maintaining her beauty and poise and entertains her husbands professional acquaintances and friends.

Much less has been dedicated, however, to the exploration of the roles of the domestic househusband. In our modern world, more and more men (such as myself) are taking on responsibilities in the home while their educated wives become the providers, (more commonly known in the common vernacular as "sugarmamas") As I've immersed myself in this new social order over the past year or so, I've created a list that I hope will allow other men to recognize that they too have become househusbands. I hope that by identifying these characteristics, we as men will become more comfortable in accepting ourselves in our sometimes non-conventional roles. From my own experience, I would say that you can know that you are a househusband when you meet two or more of the following criteria:

1. You wear an apron while preparing meals.
2. You are busy in the kitchen putting the finishing touches on special dinners while your wife entertains the guests in the sitting room.
3. You vacuum more than twice a week because the "mess" just simply bothers you
4. You wash and fold the laundry while flipping through afternoon network programming or while watching movies like "Hitch."
5. You ask your wife to identify what chores you have done around the house that day so that she appreciates what you contribute to the family
6. You give your wife a shoulder massage after her long day at work
7. You dust, scrub, mop, etc. on a consistent basis
8. You can give your wife fashion tips because you've seen more than two episodes of "What Not to Wear"
9. You begin to enjoy looking through magazines like Better Homes and Gardens and Martha Stewart Living with your wife to get ideas for decorating your home
10. One of your greatest joys in life has to do with the successful growth of your houseplants

Most importantly, one must recognize that these activities do not detract from one's masculinity. Rather, they help to enhance your ability to empathize with your wife when your roles reverse because you finally graduate from college, get a real job, and start acting like a man! Once this occurs, you may return to your regular manly activities like watching ESPN, making/watching things blow up, barbecuing, and using power tools.

*Authors note--this is meant to be satirical. Do not be offended by my self-mockery.
**Also, sorry for the really long post previously. I was excited about the story of Hole-in-the-Rock, but now realize that the extreme length of the post probably kept most people from reading it.